I take back everything I said about communal showers
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
The Olympian is in my bed
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
