hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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