I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Randomize
