can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
