Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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