Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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