I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
There r osticjed everywhere
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
