she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome