Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places