"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me