how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho