ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
my phone needs a breathalizer
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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