you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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