Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Drunk is not a location!
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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