sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
