I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
