i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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