Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
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