it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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