I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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