is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
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last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
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So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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