He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
