Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
