I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
