I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I got inside last night via doggy door
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
