It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
