areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
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