I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
