In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
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At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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