okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
