you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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