Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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