the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
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"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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