im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
