god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
