We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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