dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
