He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's not a foreskin expert like you
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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