oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
