I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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