In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Come see our sink grown plant.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
