Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
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