Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I enjoy the company of your penis
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize