Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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