I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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