Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
It's blow job season.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.