I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I fill condoms, not promises.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry