Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.