brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I died a long time ago.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.