I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
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I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
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Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.