We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
