I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Randomize
