my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
