the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
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