What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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