there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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