Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
You left your phone here
Wait...
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